I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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