Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
