Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
