the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
