I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there is glitter all over my balls
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