my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
