My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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