Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
