It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
