but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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