If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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