I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So vagazzling was a success
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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