The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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