I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
