did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All the doctor said was why
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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