Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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