Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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