An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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