It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
