that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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