I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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