that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
