Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
