The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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