I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
