How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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