ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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