It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
