If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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