What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
