Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
