We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
