What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
