What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
