Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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