Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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