I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
