you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
