Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
