I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
