i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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