I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
