I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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