you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
