You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
