If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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