I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
