i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
