hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
