Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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