i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
