I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
