I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
